Alternative POIS Forum

3 SURRENDER
 
 Disappointment is a good sign of basic intelligence. It cannot be compared to anything else: it is so sharp, precise, obvious and direct ... Once we open ourselves, then we land on what is.
 Chogyam Trungpa, Cutting Through Spiritual MaterialismIn the last chapter we saw that what Freud (or his translators) called the Ego can beunderstood as 'the grip we get on ourselves', the self-image which knits together bodilyimpulses and sensations into a whole. In practice we do this by rejecting a whole crowd of impulses as 'not
really
me', thus making these feelings unconscious. This is what happensmentally; the bodily parallel is that we take on a pattern of chronic tension which is constantlypreventing certain movements and expressions - they 'just don't feel natural'. The 'spastic I',with its terror of letting go, is identical with the spastic musculature,
unable
to let go becausethe holding-on isn't even conscious.But the 'I' doesn't
have
to be like this - or we would be in a real mess. It is possible to have asense of self that is relaxed, flexible, open to change and spontaneity, able to surrender to ourown impulses and to the reality of the world around us.Any sort of self-awareness and intention is going to carry muscle
tone
- the differencebetween a limp, flaccid arm, and one which is relaxed but energised and ready for action.However, if we keep ourselves
 permanently
ready for action, we tend to lose the capacity torelax; this is what is called a chronic anxiety state, or stress. It produces a rigid, inflexiblebody, and an 'I' to match.So what makes possible a relaxed 'I', a subtle, flexible, pulsating bodymind? The keyword is'surrender': not to anyone or anything
else
, but to
ourselves
.For some people the idea of surrender to ourselves, to our own feelings, will make immediatesense. For others it needs more explanation: it involves one of the central ways in whichtherapy is different from everyday ways of being in our society - one of therapy's
radical
 aspects.If it's raining outside, we don't generally say - or not at least without conscious childishness -'But it
mustn't
rain any more, it's been raining all day and I don't
want
it to!' However, peopleconstantly take this sort of attitude towards their emotions: 'I can't go on crying like this'; 'I'veno right to feel so angry'; 'I must stop being frightened'.

 
14We suggest that your feelings are like the weather: there's no sense in arguing with them.If I am in a state of sorrow, for instance, then it makes no difference how 'good' or 'bad' thereasons are. The sorrow is
there
, a unitary bodymind state, woven of ideas, emotions,physiological changes, energy flows. I can't expunge it by an act of will. All I can do is stopmyself
expressing
it, and perhaps blank out my consciousness of it. What this ensures is that
my sorrow will continue
- forever, quite possibly; locked up in the muscles I've tensed to stopmyself sobbing and weeping; locked up in my unconscious mind. It won't simply go away.The paradox is that feelings change through and in their expression. It's by opening to mysorrow, or anger, or fear, or whatever, by truly accepting that this is, for now, my reality, thatI am able to move beyond it. To complete themselves, feelings generally have to pass throughconsciousness and out again: it seems to be the only exit.We experience this extraordinary miracle over and over again: just by surrendering to ourfeelings, we see them change. The trap that seemed inescapable, the wound that seemedunhealable, the dilemma that seemed insoluble - suddenly they are different - smaller, softerand more malleable; because our whole bodymind is softer and more flexible in its approachto the world.Surrendering to our feelings is not about giving in to difficulties, but about liberating ourenergies to confront them in whatever way is appropriate. To face the world we need to faceourselves, as we are rather than as we would like to be. Neither is this to say that we shouldswitch off our intelligence. We have to acknowledge sometimes that our emotional reaction isover the top, irrational, that we are responding to old memories and not to present facts. Butthis acknowledgement provides the context in which we can effectively let go to the feelingsand thus let go of them - knowing them for what they are.Emotions
always
have a rational basis. Fear is the bodymind's shrinking away from realthreat; anger is the mobilisation to blast away whatever blocks our creative expression -nature's Dynorod! Often, though, this rational basis is in the past not the present: we areresponding in ways that were appropriate for vulnerable children, but are no longerappropriate for adults with a potential for strong and independent action.So it is often helpful to have a safe space in which we can express our feelings away from thepeople who may have sparked them off: for instance, a therapy session where we can beat upa cushion rather than our lover. At other times, though, the appropriate form of discharge is inreal life action, by getting angry with whoever is oppressing us and making them stop.We can use our heads, and other people's, to work out which sort of situation is which, todisentangle the mixture of past and present which is usually involved. We can deal with theSocial Security much more effectively if we aren't seeing them as our mother, giving orwithholding vital nourishment! Often it's good to try hitting the cushion first and see whatrational here-and-now core of feeling is left afterwards.The key point is that emotions are e-motions, movements
out
, their natural function isprecisely to clear what stops us moving on. Feelings are value-neutral, neither good nor bad,simply
there
. It's not our feelings that cause us trouble, but our feelings
about
feelings, ourshame, embarrassment, denial - our resistance.
 
15'Resistance' is a word for all the ways in which people seek to avoid their own movement,their own living process. And one paradoxical form that resistance can take is to beatourselves up about our own resistance! 'Oh God, I'm so blocked. why can't I let go, why can'tI change?' It is important to see that resistance in therapy is like resistance in politics - itoriginates in
 fighting oppression
.If a child finds its feelings invalidated by the adult world in the ways we discussed in the lastchapter, this is oppression of a very powerful kind. It's a life-threatening experience, and thechild responds like a resistance movement in an occupied country - by going underground.We have all built up defences against outside threat and inside emotion for the best possiblereasons, and in the best possible way. So let's congratulate ourselves, and respect ourresistance as we might respect a guerrilla leader from some past war of liberation. The onlytrouble is that the guerrilla leader may have got stuck in a posture that actually obstructs theliberation for which she was fighting!Therapy is one way of investigating this sort of situation. Almost certainly our circumstanceswill have changed since childhood, and it would probably make sense to revise some of ourpast decisions, let go of some of our resistance, let go of some of the limitations we haveplaced on our self-expression.What we are really talking about is surrender to
reality
, the reality of our own feelings, and of the interactions which spark them off: the reality of the past, and of the present; the reality of our body's need for breath, for pleasure, for rest, for activity. Because the reality whichconfronts us is constantly changing, we need to be very flexible in order to deal with it: weneed to be secure enough to face the bad along with the good, rather than run away intofantasy. That security and flexibility are rooted in a sense of
belonging
, being part of theuniverse, being fed by it in a constant pulsating exchange of energies: a sense that is part of our natural birthright, and is inherent in full free breathing.